


While The World Let Go

by la_haine_pacifique



Series: A Series Of Tsukikane Events [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Edited, M/M, My first fic, a series of tsukikane events, and i'll go down with this ship, but it's tsukikane, it's gonna send me to hell, so i made my first fic a tsukikane fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3311453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_haine_pacifique/pseuds/la_haine_pacifique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RIP in pieces.<br/>First tsukikane songfic in a series of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	While The World Let Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hipstasmatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hipstasmatic/gifts).



> Oh God, this might have just gone terribly, and I'm sorry. My friend is gonna punch me in the throat for this. But, I think it might have turned out well?  
> Edit: The series is getting edited into hell, rip my original story.  
> Uh, anyways, please enjoy.

_I'm never gonna let you go..._

 

The early morning hours found Tokyo shrouded in a lazy fog, patches of mist and drizzle spread across its wards. It was quiet and peaceful - exactly the way a certain ghoul preferred his mornings. The sun had barely started to crest the buildings in the distance as it struggled to breach the fog, its efforts leaving a pleasant haze in the air. Without traffic and incessant throngs of people roaming its streets, Tokyo was rather… quaint. Dew shone on grass and trees, strays meandered, and for a while he found he could lose himself in thoughts of what today would hold for him.  
Tsukiyama’s face broke out in a grin as he thought about today’s possibilities; Kaneki had agreed to spend a day away from his usual business. He wasn’t sure where he’d take his young friend, but the variety of stores he passed on his way gave him a few ideas. The path he’d taken hosted a variety of cafés and bookstores, and he chuckled at the faces he could only imagine Kaneki making if he ever saw this street. There were a few other options, more just parks and movie theatres, but they were enjoyable places nonetheless.  
He wouldn’t take him anywhere secluded or private, though. Kaneki's sword or not, he didn't trust that the smell of Kaneki wouldn't drive him to the verge of... well, cannibalism. He was trying to figure out if eating a half ghoul counted as cannibalism or not when he finally saw the warehouse the Kaneki Kru was staying in.  
Banjou, Sante, and Jiro were working on refurbishing the outside walls, and none of the three took notice of him; If they did they said nothing. He frowned. Their bit of chatter and the noise from hammering in the laths of the wall were disturbing his nice morning.  
"Having a nice morning, Banjoi?" he asked, irritation lending a sharp edge to his sarcasm.  
Neither Banjou nor his two friends took notice of it. Banjou was more concerned with trying to insist that his name was not ‘Banjoi,’ it was Banjou.  
Tsukiyama just ignored him and continued on inside. It wasn't as noisy there, much to his relief.  
Ichimi was installing drywall as quietly as could he could manage. Hinami was a bit further down, testing paints on a bit of drywall that had already gone up.  
Tsukiyama acknowledged Ichimi in passing and went on to talk to Hinami. "Hina-chan, why are you all up so early?" he asked while approaching her, a slight whine decorating the question. He tried to sound at least a little happy, he really, really did, but the words still came out sounding like a childish complaint. His morning was not going well at all - it was noisy and everyone was awake and Kaneki was not up. Not how he'd wanted it to go in the slightest.  
Hinami snappishly explained that while he might live in a mansion, they lived in a warehouse. She made sure he understood that a warehouse is in fact not a proper home before sending him to sit in a corner of the designated living room.  
And so now Tsukiyama sat, drinking a cup of weak tea while waiting for Kaneki to decide it was time to join the rest of the world. He sighed in aggravation. What he had hoped would be an enjoyable morning for Kaneki and himself was nowhere close to what he had hoped it would be. Reminiscing on why they needed today's outing didn't help any.  
The younger ghoul had become so enraptured in his hunt for Kanou that he’d neglected himself. He came home late everyday, covered in blood and reeking of rotten ghoul. The others were also sure he was starting to talk to himself. The pair had decided on a sort of intervention, conniving a plan to get him out of the house. Said plan involved Tsukiyama inviting Kaneki out at a time that happened to coincide with Kaneki’s room renovations.  
That particular piece of the memory made him cringe internally.  
Tsukiyama had worried his bottom lip until it was sore, wrung his hands, fiddled with his hair and looked at anything that wasn't Kaneki. He had been so sure that Kaneki would flat-out refuse. Of course, that didn't go as planned either.  
Instead, he accepted the invitation to window shop. Tsukiyama had sworn there was a gleam of happiness in his eyes.   
They made their plans, a week followed, and here they were. Tsukiyama was sitting on a dusty couch, trying to figure out exactly where to go. The task wasn't quite successful. He kept getting sidetracked, remembering that small glimmer of excitement in Kaneki’s eyes. He might have pledged himself as the ghoul’s sword, but that didn’t mean that was all he’d ever do. Determination drove him, demanding he keep a sliver of joy or happiness stuck to Kaneki.  
Tsukiyama had been happily lost in thought when a blood curdling scream tore through the house. He shot up from his seat, head snapping towards the source of the sound. Kaneki’s room. He froze in place when he realized that no body had reacted. Everyone else continued on as if nothing had happened. The only clue that a strangled scream had pierced the morning was in the way Hinami hung her head. She just stood there, her eyebrows knitted together in obvious worry.  
It took him a moment to find his voice. When he did, the words were cracking and breaking apart before they'd passed his lips. “Is no one going? To help him?”  
The slight shake of Hinami’s head told him a million things at once. No one was about to go check on Kaneki. For the small group, this was a rather common occurrence, one that had drifted into the background of their morning routines.  
Tsukiyama set his tea-cup down in a way that should have been gentle. When coupled with anxiety, though, gentle becomes heavy-handed, and the cup broke when it hit the table. With a small bow towards Hinami and Ichimi - as they’d stopped to stare at his outburst - he walked towards Kaneki's room. His walk was awkward and forced, lacking his usual grace and his legs moved stiffly with the effort not to run straight to the younger ghoul.  
Soon enough he found himself standing in front of a door at the end of the hall, shaking as he brought his hand to the door.  
He knocked with customary politeness at first - a few light raps of the knuckle - but there was no answer. No anything. So he knocked again, and when Kaneki didn't answer he let himself in.  
Kaneki was sitting in his bed, legs tangled in his sheets. His hair was slick with sweat, and his chest moved dramatically with every ragged breath he took. Tsukiyama could see fear lingering in the eyes that remained trained on him. The younger ghoul said nothing, just sitting there. If Tsukiyama was to try to brave a guess, Kaneki was trying to find his bearings after a nightmare.  
It took a minute, but Kaneki managed to find his voice. “Get out, Tsukiyama,” he rasped.  
Tsukiyama didn't budge, though. He refused the order.  
"Get out!" Kaneki shouted, anger shooting through his entire figure.  
Tsukiyama stood in the doorway, defiant, before deciding to brave a step into the room. He closed the door behind him, not taking his eyes off of the other boy. He flinched as Kaneki yelled at him again, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Something felt tight in his chest. It was a strange feeling, on that was always there when Kaneki was, and Tsukiyama always shoved it down. This time it felt so tight it hurt. Tsukiyama wouldn’t deny that he'd tried to eat the younger boy before. He’d acknowledge it, and then remember that the ghoul in front of him had become a friend instead of a meal. Yes, that was it - Kaneki was his friend. Someone whose strength he admired. Someone whose pain he couldn't ignore. And with that his head drooped, the words barely sliding past his lips. "Non, Kaneki-kun, I won't."  
Kaneki glared at him, eyes sharp as daggers. Tsukiyama made his way across the room with care, taking his time getting Kaneki. He dropped to the bed and reached out, dragging Kaneki towards him before encapsulating the smaller boy in his arms.  
Which Tsukiyama noticed, along with Kaneki's still uneven breathing. His tenseness. His discomfort at the positioning. And... the way Kaneki's head felt against his chest. The way his friend fit so perfectly in his arms. It occurred to him that he didn’t really like the idea of letting the younger ghoul go. That is, until Kaneki started yelling at him, and he found his resolve cemented.  
"Let go!" Kaneki said, almost screaming. He slammed a fist against Tsukiyama's chest to drive the point home.  
The older ghoul just took the blow and tightened his grip. He took another hit, another curse, and another few bouts and fits. He sat there through all Kaneki's frustration with his head resting on Kaneki's.  
Finally, Kaneki went limp, stopping the rain of blows to his friend’s body. “Tsukiyama-san, please let me go,” he stated simply.  
It was hard, Tsukiyama discovered, to resist when every fiber of your being is screaming at you. Right now, the collective of his fibers told him to set Kaneki down, walk out, and give Kaneki his wanted space. But, he couldn't. He couldn't let Kaneki continue to suffer here on his own.  
"Kaneki-kun, I will not leave," he said, voice shaking. He let Kaneki go just enough for him to get comfortable before he continued. "I am your sword," he continued. "I have to be here for when you need me."  
"Yes, yes, you’re my sword, but sword does not mean ‘mother'!" Kaneki snapped.  
Tsukiyama sighed and shook his head, desperate to find the right words. "No, mon ami, I am not your mother. I am your friend, and your sword, and now I feel you need both. I won’t leave."  
"Why the hell not?" Kaneki asked, bitterness thick in his voice.  
"Because I care," Tsukiyama answered. “And because a sword does not have to always be a weapon of attack, mon ami. With a sword you can wield a mighty and powerful defense. I wish to also defend you, Kaneki-kun. Please let me.”  
Kaneki's only response to this was to slump over in defeat.  
"Would you tell me about the nightmares?" queried Tsukiyama, breaking the short silence.  
Kaneki let his body fall against his friend's before drawing in a deep breath. "They're awful, the nightmares," he finally stated. "They bring everything back, and I can feel them, there in my dreams. It’s like they’re haunting me."  
The older ghoul looked down, his face a mix of confusion and concern. “Them?”  
"Yamori and Rize. I remember the things they did," Kaneki explained. "I can feel it all. I remember everything they did."  
"Kaneki…?" Tsukiyama interrupted, but Kaneki took no notice. He just steamed on ahead.  
"She tricked me. Lured me out to eat me. It was going so well!” he yelled, the exclamation coming from nowhere as tears started to rise in his eyes. “And then she tried to kill me, but she died instead. That bastard Kanou made me a monster. I lost my best friend. My whole entire normal life.” Kaneki’s voice was starting to waver, and tears were going down his cheeks in a steady stream. “It was all her fault. And then there was that Yamori guy. Jason. I remember it so well. I feel him every time I close my eyes.”  
Kaneki leaned into Tsukiyama’s chest, drawing in shuddering breaths. “I feel the torture. The counting. The pain. Every single bit of it. How he tried to keep me both sane and insane as he cut off my toes and my fingers again and again. He shoved that centipede into my ear." And all too soon it was too much, as Kaneki found he let out more sobs than words and he couldn’t bring him to continue.  
Tsukiyama moved so he was fully on the bed, letting the crying Kaneki go. The separation was only temporary, though. Once he was sitting, Tsukiyama pulled Kaneki into his lap, holding the boy so they were face to face. This time, Kaneki let him. He didn't fight back.  
"Remember this," Tsukiyama whispered with a surprising fierceness, taking Kaneki’s face in his hands. "Remember me. They are not here anymore, mon ami. They cannot hurt you. They are no longer real." Tsukiyama placed a tentative kiss atop the boy's head.  
"Mon ami, real is my hands on your face. Real is how soft your sheets are on your legs. Can you feel that?" Kaneki nodded. “Real is right here and now, with that awful racket our group is making downstairs. It's the sunshine in the windows and every stupid breath you're trying to drag in now. Do you understand, Kaneki-kun?” The last line came out the barest of whispers. “Me and you are real now. Not them.”  
Kaneki looked at him, struggling to stop his tears. “Does the pain ever stop? I feel like I’m going crazy over here.”  
"Mon ami, I am here. I'm here, and I’ll be here for you even if you end up as insane as Rize and Yamori combined. I swore I'd never let you end up on your own, didn’t I? Okay, mon ami? I'll always be around, Kaneki-kun. I'll never let you go. Not as long as I can help it."  
And with that Kaneki started crying, great wracking sobs that shook his body. Tsukiyama held him the entire time.  
He hummed a song he'd heard on the internet a while ago. It was in English, but he’d liked the tune. He repeated it for a while until Kaneki’s tears finally subsided.  
"Tsukiyama-san?" he whispered.  
"Hmm?"  
The younger boy looked up to kiss the lower part of Tsukiyama's cheek. "Thank you.”  
Tsukiyama felt that tightening in his chest and his heart skipped a beat. He’d have to get that checked sometime. A sword isn’t much good dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: Got stuck trying to continue the series, so instead I'm doing some editing and reworking them a little until I can figure out how to move on to part five.  
> Also thanks for reading!


End file.
